In this time and age, it feels that we are ON all day long. The demands from family life, work, social activities, friends and mobile phones, make it feel like it is hard to switch off. Even more so when you’re an expat overseas. The daily demands and the demands that you put on yourself to succeed and work hard can tip you off balance sooner than later.
Stepping back from the hard reality that we need time off, we need to be able to stop, reflect and recharge. Now this looks different for everybody. But I can guarantee that if you do not listen to the signs your body is giving you, you will feel an overload or even worse, head towards a burnout.
It is easy to say yes to that new and exciting project and work a couple of extra nights to get it finished. It is easy to say yes to that one friend that needs help. The trap of stepping into the “doing-mode” is easy. Saying yes is easy, as we tend to not want to disappoint the people around us. In this process we tend to forget ourselves. I speak from experience as I write this, I tend to say yes to often, when my agenda is already overflowing. My family can quiet frequently hear me grumble about my own pitfall.
The ”doing-mode” is not about wanting, connecting, enjoying or playing. It is about being and engaging in life in such a way that it meets our deepest needs to connect with others, kindness and love and intimacy.
Breaking that all important cycle.
How to break with this cycle? One must need to investigate why you feel the need to say yes. What hole or emptiness are you avoiding. Why don’t you want to sit down and just be?
For this we need to go back to your childhood. Somewhere in your childhood, you developed a pattern of helping others to avoid your own pain. Read careful; we are not blaming the parents, but somewhere in your life your needs were neglected, not met, or you went through a traumatic event. The latter could just be one event that changed you as a person. The significance might only now be revealed.
Just a few things that pop up:
Did you feel lonely when growing up?
Were you abused, mentally, physically?
Where your parents not available to you, physically or mentally?
These are very general assumptions, but pretty positive that something will resonate with you. My mother for instance was emotionally not available for me. Her childhood is one full of stress and maiired my dad early in life. He has his own issues to deal with and non aquired brain injury. Due to all the stress, she developed fibromyalgia. Even to this day she pretends everything is fine.
It is sometimes hard to see her struggle. I have learned that it is her struggle and I am not responsible for her choices. I can support her and help her with her process, but that’s it.
Here are some tips that help me:
I have had a life coach for the past 14 years, I have done breathing therapy and Embodied coaching. I have embarked on a coaching journey since 2020 myself, which is still ongoing. I am peeling of the layers as I go and have an open mind about the outcome.
I do not have the recipe for success as you and I are different individuals, I can share what has worked for me.
Taking quiet time – preferably in nature. The healing power of a walk in a forest or nature reserve is so powerful. All in silence. As we have an overload of noise and imagery through out the days, of our computers and mobile phones, not to mentions our jobs or family life. Or an early morning walk, I like to wake up round 6ish and go for a walk. Come rain or shine, even in winter time. There is something really soothing for the soul, when everybody is still in bed and you are out there, breathing the early morning air in.
With Embodied coaching, you can follow a yoga nidra session or via Outdoor Coaching you follow Shinrin-yoku session to experience a different form of quiet time
Exercise – Whether you go walking or go for a run, or do some strength exercises, what ever you choose, when you do it, you are making your body stronger and as a result your will feel mentally stronger. Easy exerise programmes or easy to follow yoga progammes can be found on You Tube.
With Outdoor Coaching, you can walk, be queit or talk and tell me what is going on, all while exercising.
Power nap – Simple 20 to 30 minutes a day, lay down and switch of your mobile phone, do set your alarm! Or follow a You Tube meditation. The restorative power of a nap, will reduce stress, improve cognitive skills and make you more alert.
Hobbies – Just by spending an hour on a hobby, will make you step away from everyday things, create a different mindset.
The above activities, do not need more then 30 minutes of your time and do work. But if you really want to start making a change, if you are ready to look at what makes you tick, book a taster session. Go to Cat’s Agenda
Taster Session – A 20 to 30 minutes walk, to get to know me and the way I coach, before really diving into the deep!