When moving abroad isn’t really your choice
Moving abroad is often painted as a grand adventure—new cultures, new experiences, new opportunities. But for many expat women, the story looks very different. You might not have been the one offered the new job, assignment, or contract. Instead, you find yourself in the role of what is often called a “trailing spouse.”
It’s a term that carries more weight than it seems. Because while your partner steps into a clear role abroad, you are left with questions:
- Who am I without my old job, social circles, or routines?
- How do I create belonging in a place where I don’t speak the language fluently?
- What do I do with the loneliness that creeps in, even when surrounded by others?
If this is your story—you’re not alone.
The invisible weight of the trailing spouse
Life as a trailing spouse can be deeply rewarding, but it often comes with hidden struggles that aren’t talked about openly. While your partner’s career path seems mapped out, your own identity can feel like it’s in limbo.
The challenges often include:
- Identity shifts – Who am I now that I’ve left behind my career, friends, or community?
- Isolation – Even when surrounded by people, it’s easy to feel invisible.
- Dependency – Relying on your partner for income, networks, or even simple things like navigating bureaucracy.
- Cultural dissonance – Feeling like an outsider who doesn’t quite belong.
- Loss of purpose – Waking up and wondering, “What is my role here?”
Many expat women quietly carry this weight, thinking they should just “be grateful” for the experience of living abroad. But gratitude doesn’t erase loneliness. And managing everyone else’s needs often leaves little room for your own.
Why nature offers a path back to yourself
Here’s the thing: when the world feels foreign, nature doesn’t.
Trees, rivers, birdsong—these exist everywhere, no matter what country you call home. Connecting with nature helps you find grounding when everything else feels unstable.
As a body-oriented nature therapist, I’ve seen how simple practices can shift the experience of expat life. For example:
- Walking in the forest allows your nervous system to settle when the noise of relocation feels overwhelming.
- Touching tree bark reminds your body of stability and rootedness—even when you feel uprooted.
- Sitting quietly outdoors creates space for your emotions to surface, without judgment.
Nature therapy isn’t about fixing everything overnight. It’s about creating a space where your body can release stress, your mind can find clarity, and you can begin to feel rooted again, no matter where life has taken you.
Reclaiming your identity abroad
Being a trailing spouse doesn’t mean you lose yourself. It can also be the beginning of rediscovering who you are—beyond roles, beyond expectations. Through outdoor coaching, I’ve witnessed women reconnect with:
- Confidence – Trusting their own voice and choices again.
- Community – Building new connections with others who understand expat life.
- Clarity – Finding direction in career, creativity, or personal growth.
- Calm – Letting go of the pressure to “keep it together” and allowing space to breathe.
This is not about rushing into productivity or performance. It’s about giving yourself permission to pause, reflect, and grow roots in your own way.
A personal note: Why this work matters to me
As part of the International Women’s Contact Utrecht (IWCU) for over 20 years, I’ve walked alongside countless expat women navigating the joys and struggles of life abroad. I’ve seen how loneliness, constant adaptation, and invisible emotional labor quietly wear women down.
That’s why I created Bluebell Coaching—to offer a space where expat women can feel grounded, supported, and seen. Whether through one-to-one coaching in nature or embodied practices, my mission is simple: to help you reconnect with yourself and create a sense of belonging, wherever you are.
A gentle invitation
If you’re reading this and feel the invisible weight of being a trailing spouse, know this: you don’t have to figure it out alone.
At Bluebell Coaching, you’ll find a compassionate space to:
- Breathe again.
- Realign with what matters.
- Find clarity in confusion and grounding when life feels like it’s shifting beneath your feet.
Whether you’ve just arrived in the Netherlands or have been here for years, your story matters—and your roots can grow here too. 🌿
👉 If this resonates, start with a no-pressure call. Let’s explore how nature therapy can support you in finding belonging, clarity, and a sense of home within yourself.
Would like to know more, read Embarking on your expatriate journey
The New Roots Program: Grow, Connect, and Thrive Abroad
Relocating to a new country can be an exciting adventure, but it also comes with challenges: adapting to unfamiliar cultures, navigating feelings of isolation, and redefining your sense of home. Rooted Abroad: Your Guide to Thriving as an Expat is designed to help you move beyond the overwhelm and create a fulfilling life in your new home. In this self-paced program, outdoor coach and expat specialist Cat Boersma will guide you through 6 to 8 transformative lessons to help you reconnect with your values, navigate ambiguity, and embrace your new environment with confidence. Combining reflective exercises, nature-inspired practices, and actionable strategies, this course empowers you to build meaningful connections and thrive in your life abroad.
