In the past couple of months I have submerged myself into Expat blues, also known as Expat depression. I have learned it has many different faces, just like a normal depression. What has surprised me is that it is more common among Expats then I initially realized. One of the things that contribute is the fact that the whole Expat experience is being romanticized by the people who stay behind.
Heart breaking…..
Whether you go for a short period of time or stay permanently in a new country, the people how are left behind have the idea that you are living the high life. That you are being the tourist, that you are out all the time exploring new things. Off course you will be doing that, but work still needs to be done. Things still need to be sorted in your new home, just like everybody else has to do that. The difference is that they don’t see it that way. That makes it hard to find a listening ear with them. The people you could turn to when you were still living with back home, might react differently now to what you need. That is heart-breaking.
6 Tips to turn the tide
1. Communication – talk to your partner. Talking will help. He/she might not be able to help right away, but a listing ear is the best and first port of call. Not just once, but over and over again. Share how you feel to begin with. Your partner might not even be aware how you are feeling.
2. Exercise – I am an Outdoor Coach, there is a reason for that! Exercise is key to get your blood pumping, lower stress levels. There are tons of studies about walking around the block, just 20 to 30 minutes a day, will make you feel better. If you combine this with talking to your partner, you will immediately feel the difference.
3. Pick up an old Hobby – What did you like to do when you were younger? Were you good at drawing, but over time lost interest? Why not pick it up now? A hobby will first of all take of your in of what is worrying you. You will meet new people. And you will pick up new skills along the way.
4. Sleep – Create a routine, go to bed every day around the same time and wake up every day around the same time. Furthermore create a pre-sleep routine. Take about 20 to 30 minutes to, clean your teeth, wash your hands, lay out clean clothes for the next day. Avoid watching television in those 20 to 30 minutes. Put your phone on silent. The other thing you might wanna try is the midday power nap. Around lunch time or at the end of the day, plan 20 minutes, to take a power nap. Set the alarm on your phone, find a comfortable place to lay down and take a nap. In the beginning this might be difficult, be after some practise you will feel the difference.
5. Shrug it off – You might find yourself in situations that you are not too happy about. For example the customer service is no what you expect it to be. You can get all worked up about it, feel really crappy for days at end. Or you can choose to shrug it off and see what you can do about it. Do realise that you have choice how you want to deal with this particular experience.
6. Take an off day – As Expats tend to raise the bar to the impossible, give yourself time to adjust. Nobody is telling you to be perfect. Live comes with its ups and downs. Taking an off day is a basic must for self-care. It was a though road to get to your new country and it doesn’t stop once all the boxes are unpacked. Are they unpacked yet? You are allowed to sit down, to take stock off where you are mentally and what it is that you need.
Take it seriously!
These tips are slightly different from the ones I see on other blogs, as I believe you have the power of choice to create a better Expat future for yourself. It takes guts to move countries, it takes even more guts to take back control of your life.
I believe you have the power to change your situation. Either through coaching or by taking small steps yourself. Whatever you choose to do, take it seriously, do not sweep it under the carpet. It is a real feeling that can get out of control if you ignore it. If you need to know more about where you are on the scale of your depression, send me an e-mail.
I have more than 15 years of experiencing mental health care and together we can look at what you need.
